The Diary Of A Single Gay Man: Chew You Up And Spit You Out!
There comes a point in everyone's lives when things just become too much to bare. A burden on our shoulders or a monkey on our back is what this is commonly referred to as. In times like these its hard to grasp the who what when where and why's of the situation. Some say God never gives you more then you can handle....do I believe that? Not really....but I respect the concept and the people who believe in it even if it has no baring on my life personally. What I have come to know is that life as a gay man or woman is actually like leading TWO lives...and at what point do you mesh them together or....give one up?
In my years of being an out gay man I have come to see this community differently everyday as it morphs and changes with the times. I was a wide eyed newbie at 15 and saw the gay world as the world behind the looking glass...I couldn't wait to step in. At 18 I went to my first gay club and it opened my eyes to an even broader spectrum of my gays brothers and sisters and the experiences i could choose to have or turn down. However, when you immerse yourself in EVERYTHING gay, you can sometimes lose sight of a life you had before your sexuality determined most of your decision making. It then becomes a struggle of living in two worlds: the one you were born into and the gay world....say what you will and believe what you want but those that know....know that this is 100% true. After awhile the shininess of that once sought after word begins to dull and tarnish and the allure it once had begins to crash until you are brought back to a sobering reality. I think the gay world has made me stronger in some ways and also stolen many years off of my life that I will never get back.....
WORDS OF ADVICE: To the young gay children...STAY YOUNG....enjoy your youth and your time with family and school friends...your time will come and there is NO REASON to rush into the life and scene. Many who attempt to enter before the time is right end up used and abused by 17 and bitter and jaded by 18....enjoy being a child!!!! Listen to others from within the community...some of us have been around the block a few times and understand a lot more then you do. You may think you know it all (ahhh naive youth) but in reality you don't know shit from shinola! Listen to your gut...if it feels wrong IT IS WRONG! Don't let others make life changing decisions for you....you'll thank me later for that pearl of wisdom later.
The thumping of the club music, the blurring of alcohol and drugs, the feeling of your first gay sexual experience....its alluring...BUT....thats where it ends....don't lose touch with the real world and your home base...because those will be the people that will be there when the party ends and the gay world chews you up and spits you out when you have served its purpose. Keep a head on your shoulders and follow your instants they will never steer you wrong...
Till Next Time xoxoxo
Ron - The Single Gay Man
