The Diary Of A Single Gay Man #8: Relationships: Race You To The Altar?!
"I now pronounce you (insert couple identity here)"....a phrase every person dreams of being associated with one day. Typically we're brainwashed to believe that we should hear those words before a certain age. A dear friend of mine is hell bent on saying those words before she turns 27, another would like to say those words and start a family before 25. I have dreamed of those words as I type before you being the undesirable age of 35 years young. I've heard it all: "OMG you don't look 35!" "I would have never guessed... you don't look a day over 27!" or my favorite "No fucking way! Really? Sorry that's just too old for me! Too bad!".....Believe me I already thought I'd have the dream come true already with said wedding, house, dog and possibly even a little one running around already (gays can adopt children). Alas the days come and go and I am no closer to my dream then I was when I was really 27. I honestly used to say if it doesn't happen by 30 it's never going to happen....add 5 years to that now and ask me what I think...Society dictates to both straight and gay alike a proverbial clock that ticks faster then a speeding bullet. Families can drill into your head a sort of blueprint on how your life should look at a certain age and we as individuals can put the most pressure on ourselves to achieve certain milestones because "everyone else is so why am I not?". This begs me to ask the question....When it comes to the topic of relationships are we so brainwashed into thinking that by a certain age ME needs to turn into WE that is becomes the game of all games, Race you to the altar?!...
Relationships ugh...that word such a tricky one...it is the holy grail for almost everyone to achieve and maintain. However, it is also one of the most feared words ever created. If you mention it too fast, people head for the hills. If you don't mention it within a certain time the other person becomes frustrated and bitter. Where is the happy medium? Why are there time constraints on everything?...typically we race against the clock in our teens to start dating....then to have sex for the first time...to having our first love....to getting the ring....to having the wedding...to starting a family...STOP!!!!!! Pump the brakes people! What happens if you don't achieve those things in the time frame we are EXPECTED to? Do we go to an island of misfit toys banished by society as relationship rejects only to roam alone in sadness with a stamp that says TIME RAN OUT?
I say fuck society and to anyone who has placed a premature expiration date on someone because they didn't go down the implied path. Every person on this earth is WORTHY or being loved and being IN love. For some it's easy, for others it's difficult....but HOPE springs eternal in each and every one of us! For those of us who have given up the war because we lost a couple of battles, armor up and get back out on the front lines there is still a fight to be fought. I have accepted the fact that maybe my "happy ending" will be later in life and my plans may just have to be reconfigured. In the end however that eternal search for a relationship thrives in me everyday and I will not give up searching for it no matter how bruised battered or hurt I may become. Hope for love pushes me forward....hope for love pushes me towards the altar....hope for love pushes me through life....and it should do the same for you until you find it...regardless what path you wander down to get to it.
Until next time....Love Unconditionally
The Single Gay Man
RS
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
Forgiveness & Loss
The Diary Of A Single Gay Man: Forgiveness & Loss
In today's world the word F O R G I V E can be mistaken for another dirty "F" word. The process behind this word can take anywhere from mere seconds to almost a lifetime for some. I sometimes feel like forgiving someone just might be the hardest thing a human being can do. It musters up emotions that need to be processed in order to move on. It also makes you think about why you were mad in the first place. It also can lead to tremendous feelings of guilt in times of love and loss.
Recently, I reached a cross roads in my life and I knew i had to either let go of the feelings I was harboring or choose to stay in a permanent state of misery and hatred. It's taken me years to finally say "I have to let this go because it's weighing heavy on my heart". This decision was prompted by a conversation with a friend/co-worker who was going through her own introspection and decided she had had enough. She said something so insightful that an internal alarm blared within me. She said "It takes so much time energy and emotions to HATE someone. Why don't we just forgive them, release them and then go onto the next?" She was doing this with a few people in her life and she was feeling so much better about the person she was becoming. I decided this is what I needed to do as well in order to let in space for upcoming journeys and obstacles for me to complete. We both agreed that not everyone could be handled in the same way and that with some situations and people we both may not be ready to act on it at this time. I had a short list of whom I wanted to just make peace with and I knew it could be a challenge as I got down to the final three people but I had to try. So I made a deal that even if the outcome was not to be the way I had hoped it would be, I would forgive them in my heart for the wrongs they have done to me and release it into the world for others and KARMA to deal with. Much to my surprise, three people whom I had harbored not so nice emotions for suddenly popped out of the woodworks. It was if it was meant to be for me to confront, forgive and move forward. I am happy to say that these three people and I are in the beginnings of a wonderful NEW CHAPTER, and I recognize things I may have contributed to the demise of our friendships. Always remember that friendship is a two way street. No matter what anyone says, when people decide to end a friendship it's typically because BOTH people are at fault.
As I mentioned earlier some people I am not ready to forgive so easily and I work hard everyday trying to just let it go. I am proud of myself for being able to admit my wrongs and also to just say let's squash this and look to a bigger and brighter friendship. I also believe the sudden loss of my Grandfather (aka Papa) last Monday attributed to my newfound outlook and attitude. I also have adopted a NO BS policy for anyone in my life. I decided if you are of no support and love to me I will be upfront, tell you my feelings and then remove myself from the situation. People say that as you get older you get wiser...I believe that. In the week since Papa has passed I have ended friendships, backed away from friendships and discovered ones that I had neglected and are making amends for. Sometimes it DOES take a loss so huge as a family member to continue the growth process in who you are and will become.
So what are you waiting for? Try it and see! make a list of 5 people whom you wish you could speak with again, forgive or just release from your life. It may take some time (this I am certain of!) but you won't know what the outcome is until you make yourself vulnerable enough to try. You will be glad you did when good things start happening in your life.....
Love and safe travels...xoxoxo Ron
The Single Gay Man
In today's world the word F O R G I V E can be mistaken for another dirty "F" word. The process behind this word can take anywhere from mere seconds to almost a lifetime for some. I sometimes feel like forgiving someone just might be the hardest thing a human being can do. It musters up emotions that need to be processed in order to move on. It also makes you think about why you were mad in the first place. It also can lead to tremendous feelings of guilt in times of love and loss.
Recently, I reached a cross roads in my life and I knew i had to either let go of the feelings I was harboring or choose to stay in a permanent state of misery and hatred. It's taken me years to finally say "I have to let this go because it's weighing heavy on my heart". This decision was prompted by a conversation with a friend/co-worker who was going through her own introspection and decided she had had enough. She said something so insightful that an internal alarm blared within me. She said "It takes so much time energy and emotions to HATE someone. Why don't we just forgive them, release them and then go onto the next?" She was doing this with a few people in her life and she was feeling so much better about the person she was becoming. I decided this is what I needed to do as well in order to let in space for upcoming journeys and obstacles for me to complete. We both agreed that not everyone could be handled in the same way and that with some situations and people we both may not be ready to act on it at this time. I had a short list of whom I wanted to just make peace with and I knew it could be a challenge as I got down to the final three people but I had to try. So I made a deal that even if the outcome was not to be the way I had hoped it would be, I would forgive them in my heart for the wrongs they have done to me and release it into the world for others and KARMA to deal with. Much to my surprise, three people whom I had harbored not so nice emotions for suddenly popped out of the woodworks. It was if it was meant to be for me to confront, forgive and move forward. I am happy to say that these three people and I are in the beginnings of a wonderful NEW CHAPTER, and I recognize things I may have contributed to the demise of our friendships. Always remember that friendship is a two way street. No matter what anyone says, when people decide to end a friendship it's typically because BOTH people are at fault.
As I mentioned earlier some people I am not ready to forgive so easily and I work hard everyday trying to just let it go. I am proud of myself for being able to admit my wrongs and also to just say let's squash this and look to a bigger and brighter friendship. I also believe the sudden loss of my Grandfather (aka Papa) last Monday attributed to my newfound outlook and attitude. I also have adopted a NO BS policy for anyone in my life. I decided if you are of no support and love to me I will be upfront, tell you my feelings and then remove myself from the situation. People say that as you get older you get wiser...I believe that. In the week since Papa has passed I have ended friendships, backed away from friendships and discovered ones that I had neglected and are making amends for. Sometimes it DOES take a loss so huge as a family member to continue the growth process in who you are and will become.
So what are you waiting for? Try it and see! make a list of 5 people whom you wish you could speak with again, forgive or just release from your life. It may take some time (this I am certain of!) but you won't know what the outcome is until you make yourself vulnerable enough to try. You will be glad you did when good things start happening in your life.....
Love and safe travels...xoxoxo Ron
The Single Gay Man
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Chew You Up And Spit You Out
The Diary Of A Single Gay Man: Chew You Up And Spit You Out!
There comes a point in everyone's lives when things just become too much to bare. A burden on our shoulders or a monkey on our back is what this is commonly referred to as. In times like these its hard to grasp the who what when where and why's of the situation. Some say God never gives you more then you can handle....do I believe that? Not really....but I respect the concept and the people who believe in it even if it has no baring on my life personally. What I have come to know is that life as a gay man or woman is actually like leading TWO lives...and at what point do you mesh them together or....give one up?
In my years of being an out gay man I have come to see this community differently everyday as it morphs and changes with the times. I was a wide eyed newbie at 15 and saw the gay world as the world behind the looking glass...I couldn't wait to step in. At 18 I went to my first gay club and it opened my eyes to an even broader spectrum of my gays brothers and sisters and the experiences i could choose to have or turn down. However, when you immerse yourself in EVERYTHING gay, you can sometimes lose sight of a life you had before your sexuality determined most of your decision making. It then becomes a struggle of living in two worlds: the one you were born into and the gay world....say what you will and believe what you want but those that know....know that this is 100% true. After awhile the shininess of that once sought after word begins to dull and tarnish and the allure it once had begins to crash until you are brought back to a sobering reality. I think the gay world has made me stronger in some ways and also stolen many years off of my life that I will never get back.....
WORDS OF ADVICE: To the young gay children...STAY YOUNG....enjoy your youth and your time with family and school friends...your time will come and there is NO REASON to rush into the life and scene. Many who attempt to enter before the time is right end up used and abused by 17 and bitter and jaded by 18....enjoy being a child!!!! Listen to others from within the community...some of us have been around the block a few times and understand a lot more then you do. You may think you know it all (ahhh naive youth) but in reality you don't know shit from shinola! Listen to your gut...if it feels wrong IT IS WRONG! Don't let others make life changing decisions for you....you'll thank me later for that pearl of wisdom later.
The thumping of the club music, the blurring of alcohol and drugs, the feeling of your first gay sexual experience....its alluring...BUT....thats where it ends....don't lose touch with the real world and your home base...because those will be the people that will be there when the party ends and the gay world chews you up and spits you out when you have served its purpose. Keep a head on your shoulders and follow your instants they will never steer you wrong...
Till Next Time xoxoxo
Ron - The Single Gay Man
There comes a point in everyone's lives when things just become too much to bare. A burden on our shoulders or a monkey on our back is what this is commonly referred to as. In times like these its hard to grasp the who what when where and why's of the situation. Some say God never gives you more then you can handle....do I believe that? Not really....but I respect the concept and the people who believe in it even if it has no baring on my life personally. What I have come to know is that life as a gay man or woman is actually like leading TWO lives...and at what point do you mesh them together or....give one up?
In my years of being an out gay man I have come to see this community differently everyday as it morphs and changes with the times. I was a wide eyed newbie at 15 and saw the gay world as the world behind the looking glass...I couldn't wait to step in. At 18 I went to my first gay club and it opened my eyes to an even broader spectrum of my gays brothers and sisters and the experiences i could choose to have or turn down. However, when you immerse yourself in EVERYTHING gay, you can sometimes lose sight of a life you had before your sexuality determined most of your decision making. It then becomes a struggle of living in two worlds: the one you were born into and the gay world....say what you will and believe what you want but those that know....know that this is 100% true. After awhile the shininess of that once sought after word begins to dull and tarnish and the allure it once had begins to crash until you are brought back to a sobering reality. I think the gay world has made me stronger in some ways and also stolen many years off of my life that I will never get back.....
WORDS OF ADVICE: To the young gay children...STAY YOUNG....enjoy your youth and your time with family and school friends...your time will come and there is NO REASON to rush into the life and scene. Many who attempt to enter before the time is right end up used and abused by 17 and bitter and jaded by 18....enjoy being a child!!!! Listen to others from within the community...some of us have been around the block a few times and understand a lot more then you do. You may think you know it all (ahhh naive youth) but in reality you don't know shit from shinola! Listen to your gut...if it feels wrong IT IS WRONG! Don't let others make life changing decisions for you....you'll thank me later for that pearl of wisdom later.
The thumping of the club music, the blurring of alcohol and drugs, the feeling of your first gay sexual experience....its alluring...BUT....thats where it ends....don't lose touch with the real world and your home base...because those will be the people that will be there when the party ends and the gay world chews you up and spits you out when you have served its purpose. Keep a head on your shoulders and follow your instants they will never steer you wrong...
Till Next Time xoxoxo
Ron - The Single Gay Man
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Put Your Hands In The Air If You's A True Player?
The Diary Of A Single Gay Man: Put Your Hands In The Air If You's A True Player? (Blog #5)
Valentine's Day...Done!....My 35th Birthday....Finished!.....February milestones of my life have come and gone, leaving in their wake....a sad miserable depressed gay man....it happens sure it does....however, as I turned the young age of 35 (yes mid 30's are the new 18...I'm trending that now!), my tolerance for bullshit has gotten to be less then desirable. Case in point: A "friend" of many years decided to take it upon himself in yet another drunken stupor (every night another stupor...alcoholism is so sad)...to post something about me on Facebook. Not only was it a post about me, but he also TAGGED my name in the post so that everyone else could comment and add their non relegated two cents. As could be imagined, I was hurt, shocked and to put it nicely....FUCKING PISSED!!!!....Who did he think he was ranting and raving about me because he was "tired of hearing the complaining...because after all is said and done....he got lap band surgery and lost some weight and STILL no one wants him"....Needless to say I gave him a tongue lashing, deleted him off Facebook and haven't looked back. HE decided to become one of "them"...The Haters....so off he is in an eternal drunk haze...never to know what sobriety is and to be the laughing stock of gay night life....but as the liquor keeps flowing he'll never know that now will he....sorry we veered off track...back to the low tolerance of bullshit....
A friend of mine commented me today and asked if we could address the subject of guys who think they players and think it is cool to play THE ROLE of a player....and to her, I will oblige! Ladies and gentlemen...step right up and meet the saddest breed of human being: The Wannabe Player. We have all had some sort of contact with them....we like to think we can change them...however the sad truth is these low lives know nothing about relationships....what they do know is limited to the thought that they are a legend in their own time....nice fantasy land they are living in...let me know when the shuttle lands! Time for a great example: Someone who i chat with from time to time likes to think that he can fool me into thinking that "he's only thinking of me and that he wishes I was with him"....to this I say: PUH-LEASE!!!! Do you honestly think that I don't know you are flirting with dozens of other guys due to the pics and posts on your Facebook wall??? Wannabe players are STUPID....that is what they have in common! They never cover their tracks and yet they smooth talk girls and guys into thinking they are the most special people on the planet. Some who are naive will fall for this lame ass stunting....however, us seasoned veterans can usually spot BULLSHIT WACKNESS a mile away. Ladies and gents...if you are currently involved or have recently experienced this breed of low life....don't be upset with yourselves! Rejoice in the knowledge that now you know....and you too can spread the gospel of WANNABE PLAYERS to others who may not have been hit by the weak storm which is their tired ass game.
I may be bruised and a bit worse for wear at the moment, however...I will still have a positive point to preach so that my girls and guys out there don't fall victim to the stupidity of others....until everyone is informed, these fingers will keep on walking and in the midst of their wake you will find the strewn bodies of assholes past and present....rejoice my readers...a new day has come :)
xoxo - Ron aka The Single Gay Man
Valentine's Day...Done!....My 35th Birthday....Finished!.....February milestones of my life have come and gone, leaving in their wake....a sad miserable depressed gay man....it happens sure it does....however, as I turned the young age of 35 (yes mid 30's are the new 18...I'm trending that now!), my tolerance for bullshit has gotten to be less then desirable. Case in point: A "friend" of many years decided to take it upon himself in yet another drunken stupor (every night another stupor...alcoholism is so sad)...to post something about me on Facebook. Not only was it a post about me, but he also TAGGED my name in the post so that everyone else could comment and add their non relegated two cents. As could be imagined, I was hurt, shocked and to put it nicely....FUCKING PISSED!!!!....Who did he think he was ranting and raving about me because he was "tired of hearing the complaining...because after all is said and done....he got lap band surgery and lost some weight and STILL no one wants him"....Needless to say I gave him a tongue lashing, deleted him off Facebook and haven't looked back. HE decided to become one of "them"...The Haters....so off he is in an eternal drunk haze...never to know what sobriety is and to be the laughing stock of gay night life....but as the liquor keeps flowing he'll never know that now will he....sorry we veered off track...back to the low tolerance of bullshit....
A friend of mine commented me today and asked if we could address the subject of guys who think they players and think it is cool to play THE ROLE of a player....and to her, I will oblige! Ladies and gentlemen...step right up and meet the saddest breed of human being: The Wannabe Player. We have all had some sort of contact with them....we like to think we can change them...however the sad truth is these low lives know nothing about relationships....what they do know is limited to the thought that they are a legend in their own time....nice fantasy land they are living in...let me know when the shuttle lands! Time for a great example: Someone who i chat with from time to time likes to think that he can fool me into thinking that "he's only thinking of me and that he wishes I was with him"....to this I say: PUH-LEASE!!!! Do you honestly think that I don't know you are flirting with dozens of other guys due to the pics and posts on your Facebook wall??? Wannabe players are STUPID....that is what they have in common! They never cover their tracks and yet they smooth talk girls and guys into thinking they are the most special people on the planet. Some who are naive will fall for this lame ass stunting....however, us seasoned veterans can usually spot BULLSHIT WACKNESS a mile away. Ladies and gents...if you are currently involved or have recently experienced this breed of low life....don't be upset with yourselves! Rejoice in the knowledge that now you know....and you too can spread the gospel of WANNABE PLAYERS to others who may not have been hit by the weak storm which is their tired ass game.
I may be bruised and a bit worse for wear at the moment, however...I will still have a positive point to preach so that my girls and guys out there don't fall victim to the stupidity of others....until everyone is informed, these fingers will keep on walking and in the midst of their wake you will find the strewn bodies of assholes past and present....rejoice my readers...a new day has come :)
xoxo - Ron aka The Single Gay Man
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Turning My Back On "Gay"
The Diary Of A Single Gay Man (Blog #4)
Exhausted....exasperated....down for the count....Have you ever felt like this before? When is it ok to throw in the proverbial towel when it feels like you're in a room screaming at the top of your lungs yet no one can hear you? Yes beloved readers todays lovely blog is about boiling points and frustration. I honestly wasn't going to right another blog until Valentine's Day (glutton for my own twisted punishment) but tonight I think I have reached the bottom of the barrel, when it was pointed out to me that I am not hanging out in the proper places to find myself a guy in my age range or league.... ok so what is my league? What category am I being tossed into now? It's not enough that I already am thrown into a whole other sector of society because of my sexuality but now I am going to be tossed like a rag doll into sub divisions of an even more segregated community. I am screaming now: WHEN DOES IT STOP?????
I have never fit the mold of the attractive gay man....I'm not tall, I'm not thin (had to resort to lap band surgery because its been pounded into my head that fat gay guys get no one), I'm not a jock, I'm not straight acting, I'm not a top, I'm not young enough (anymore)....so basically should I just hand in my gay card all curled up at the edges and faded from sitting in my back pocket for all these years? I am fed up to the Nth degree and I'm tired of this community and its rules and its views. Guess what for the first time ever...I am NOT proud to be gay! I'm tired of being gay....I'm tired of trying to fit in and I'm tired of all the segregation in a community that should be banning together in the wake of all the positive governmental changes that are about to take place for our people.
I am honestly ready to trade in my rainbow flag for a white flag and I will wave it in surrender.....i think it's worse to have people in your own community casting stones at you then a straight guy landing a punch on your face....I'd rather the latter of the two at this stage of the game as sickening as it may sound!
I will ask my readers this question: What can WE do to change this? What can WE do to make it easier to live this lifestyle? What can WE do to stop judging each other and start giving people a chance even if they don't have six pack abs?
In a community that longs to always be younger, always be on the cutting edge, always discover the next hottest thing....where does a pending 35 year old stand? When the guys my age are trolling for teenagers to fulfill that "I Still Got It" quotient and the guys younger then me say I'm too old and too washed up?(Reminder: I can STILL dance circles around your playpen asses ANYDAY and I have hundreds of witnesses to testify to that...old man my ass!)
Until the day comes that we as a community as gay men and women can ban together in solidarity and treat each other as equals....I think i'm going to bow out and focus on other sectors of my life....I am alienating myself from family and heterosexual friends to fight the good fight to a losing battle....so maybe i should quit while i'm ahead....maybe it's time to redirect my energy into something that will be more productive TO ME that will make ME happy....maybe it's time I kick the "gay" out of my car and leave it on the side of the road to think about how it's going to apologize to me for sucking the life out of me and giving me nothing but stress, bitterness and a dabbling drug habit....maybe just maybe then...will accept "gay" back into my life for a second chance....you hear that "gay"? Clean up your act and treat me with respect and kindness because I fought for years for you...now it's time YOU fight for ME!
Thanks for reading...till next time...
xoxo - Ron "The Single Gay Man"
Exhausted....exasperated....down for the count....Have you ever felt like this before? When is it ok to throw in the proverbial towel when it feels like you're in a room screaming at the top of your lungs yet no one can hear you? Yes beloved readers todays lovely blog is about boiling points and frustration. I honestly wasn't going to right another blog until Valentine's Day (glutton for my own twisted punishment) but tonight I think I have reached the bottom of the barrel, when it was pointed out to me that I am not hanging out in the proper places to find myself a guy in my age range or league.... ok so what is my league? What category am I being tossed into now? It's not enough that I already am thrown into a whole other sector of society because of my sexuality but now I am going to be tossed like a rag doll into sub divisions of an even more segregated community. I am screaming now: WHEN DOES IT STOP?????
I have never fit the mold of the attractive gay man....I'm not tall, I'm not thin (had to resort to lap band surgery because its been pounded into my head that fat gay guys get no one), I'm not a jock, I'm not straight acting, I'm not a top, I'm not young enough (anymore)....so basically should I just hand in my gay card all curled up at the edges and faded from sitting in my back pocket for all these years? I am fed up to the Nth degree and I'm tired of this community and its rules and its views. Guess what for the first time ever...I am NOT proud to be gay! I'm tired of being gay....I'm tired of trying to fit in and I'm tired of all the segregation in a community that should be banning together in the wake of all the positive governmental changes that are about to take place for our people.
I am honestly ready to trade in my rainbow flag for a white flag and I will wave it in surrender.....i think it's worse to have people in your own community casting stones at you then a straight guy landing a punch on your face....I'd rather the latter of the two at this stage of the game as sickening as it may sound!
I will ask my readers this question: What can WE do to change this? What can WE do to make it easier to live this lifestyle? What can WE do to stop judging each other and start giving people a chance even if they don't have six pack abs?
In a community that longs to always be younger, always be on the cutting edge, always discover the next hottest thing....where does a pending 35 year old stand? When the guys my age are trolling for teenagers to fulfill that "I Still Got It" quotient and the guys younger then me say I'm too old and too washed up?(Reminder: I can STILL dance circles around your playpen asses ANYDAY and I have hundreds of witnesses to testify to that...old man my ass!)
Until the day comes that we as a community as gay men and women can ban together in solidarity and treat each other as equals....I think i'm going to bow out and focus on other sectors of my life....I am alienating myself from family and heterosexual friends to fight the good fight to a losing battle....so maybe i should quit while i'm ahead....maybe it's time to redirect my energy into something that will be more productive TO ME that will make ME happy....maybe it's time I kick the "gay" out of my car and leave it on the side of the road to think about how it's going to apologize to me for sucking the life out of me and giving me nothing but stress, bitterness and a dabbling drug habit....maybe just maybe then...will accept "gay" back into my life for a second chance....you hear that "gay"? Clean up your act and treat me with respect and kindness because I fought for years for you...now it's time YOU fight for ME!
Thanks for reading...till next time...
xoxo - Ron "The Single Gay Man"
Sunday, February 5, 2012
The Grass Is Greener Syndrome
The Diary Of A Single Gay Man (Blog #3)
It's a jungle out there! We all have heard this statement, we all have used it, but do we all really BELIEVE IT? In a world where people's attention spans cannot extend past a 15 second preview before they are onto the next thing, it's getting harder and harder to keep the attention of the same and opposite sex. Along the same lines is a syndrome, one of which i believe i have coined the term on: The Grass Is Greener Syndrome. What do pray tell is this aforementioned syndrome? Simply put, it is when you meet someone and they feed you line after line after line as to how you are special...you just might be the one...how could they have gone this long in life without you?....BUT they just don't wanna be tied down right now! Then within a few days you find out not only are they talking to you but three other people in your friendship/acquaintance circle. The conversations start to slow to a a few word crawl and then POOF!....They vanish! Onto the next thing that could be better....might be better....wouldn't know unless they tried better....
We are left questioning ourselves: Where did I go wrong???? What did I do? Why did this happen....
THE GRASS IS GREENER SYNDROME
Most recently this syndrome was diagnosed on someone who I was talking with steadily for a few months....we were finding out everything about each other, getting those butterflies, sending each other cute flirty messages....and then suddenly out of nowhere I get the text: "I'm really happy that we are getting to know one another but I don't want to lead you on...I'm just not in a space where I feel like I want to be serious." REALLY???? This after I was told, I haven't felt this way in so long....I think you may be the one...I can't wait for the day we can be together....but all those thoughts go flying out the window....and then POOF! Vanished...no calls, no texts, no nothing....but on social media outlets there they are flirting and talking to others and lining them up like I was being lined up....
My questions is this: How can you be dismissed when there was no physical meeting???? Are we wrong to think we feel connections with people through phone calls, messages and instant messages? Or is it just easier to pretend and then dip off like nothing even existed? Where is the accountability or is there none?
Then after a few short weeks maybe even a month later...you're phone goes off and there it is....a message from THEM....asking how you've been...saying how much the missed you...asking if you could find it in your heart to give them a second chance....
We are faced with a choice: Forgive and forget and try to rekindle it....or tell them to HIT THE ROAD because there is a little voice saying "If they left you once they'll leave you for someone else again!"....I like to choose option "B"....We all have to understand what our WORTH is and we have to understand not to stand for the BULLSHIT other put us through to try and bankrupt us of that worth! Chalk it up to their loss...tell yourself you're worth more....just don't look back ALWAYS LOOK FOWARD!!!!!
Don't beat yourself up if you buckle...it happens...but make sure to not make the same mistake twice! If you decide to go with option "A", YOU hold the cards...YOU make the rules and YOU call the shots!
Remember the signs and remember YOUR WORTH and don't fall victim to....The Grass Is Greener Syndrome because when it comes to love...nothing is better then YOU....and anyone who cannot recognize that, wasn't worth investing in from the get go!
Till The Next Time!
xoxo- Ron "The Single Gay Man"
It's a jungle out there! We all have heard this statement, we all have used it, but do we all really BELIEVE IT? In a world where people's attention spans cannot extend past a 15 second preview before they are onto the next thing, it's getting harder and harder to keep the attention of the same and opposite sex. Along the same lines is a syndrome, one of which i believe i have coined the term on: The Grass Is Greener Syndrome. What do pray tell is this aforementioned syndrome? Simply put, it is when you meet someone and they feed you line after line after line as to how you are special...you just might be the one...how could they have gone this long in life without you?....BUT they just don't wanna be tied down right now! Then within a few days you find out not only are they talking to you but three other people in your friendship/acquaintance circle. The conversations start to slow to a a few word crawl and then POOF!....They vanish! Onto the next thing that could be better....might be better....wouldn't know unless they tried better....
We are left questioning ourselves: Where did I go wrong???? What did I do? Why did this happen....
THE GRASS IS GREENER SYNDROME
Most recently this syndrome was diagnosed on someone who I was talking with steadily for a few months....we were finding out everything about each other, getting those butterflies, sending each other cute flirty messages....and then suddenly out of nowhere I get the text: "I'm really happy that we are getting to know one another but I don't want to lead you on...I'm just not in a space where I feel like I want to be serious." REALLY???? This after I was told, I haven't felt this way in so long....I think you may be the one...I can't wait for the day we can be together....but all those thoughts go flying out the window....and then POOF! Vanished...no calls, no texts, no nothing....but on social media outlets there they are flirting and talking to others and lining them up like I was being lined up....
My questions is this: How can you be dismissed when there was no physical meeting???? Are we wrong to think we feel connections with people through phone calls, messages and instant messages? Or is it just easier to pretend and then dip off like nothing even existed? Where is the accountability or is there none?
Then after a few short weeks maybe even a month later...you're phone goes off and there it is....a message from THEM....asking how you've been...saying how much the missed you...asking if you could find it in your heart to give them a second chance....
We are faced with a choice: Forgive and forget and try to rekindle it....or tell them to HIT THE ROAD because there is a little voice saying "If they left you once they'll leave you for someone else again!"....I like to choose option "B"....We all have to understand what our WORTH is and we have to understand not to stand for the BULLSHIT other put us through to try and bankrupt us of that worth! Chalk it up to their loss...tell yourself you're worth more....just don't look back ALWAYS LOOK FOWARD!!!!!
Don't beat yourself up if you buckle...it happens...but make sure to not make the same mistake twice! If you decide to go with option "A", YOU hold the cards...YOU make the rules and YOU call the shots!
Remember the signs and remember YOUR WORTH and don't fall victim to....The Grass Is Greener Syndrome because when it comes to love...nothing is better then YOU....and anyone who cannot recognize that, wasn't worth investing in from the get go!
Till The Next Time!
xoxo- Ron "The Single Gay Man"
Thursday, February 2, 2012
When Dating, Why Are Gay Guys Such Assholes?
The Diary Of A Single Gay Man (Blog #2)
For the entire day I have been thinking...what topic am I going to rant about tonight...and both fortunately and unfortunately I stumbled upon it: When Dating, Why Are Gay Guys Such Assholes? Now I say fortunately and unfortunately because it's "fortunate" that I had a good follow up to yesterday's hit Intro Blog...but "unfortunate", as to why I'm writing this: A) I was stood up tonight and B) A friend of mine finally got answers after a week of no call and no text from someone who promised him the world and then DISAPPEARED. So as Christina Crawford would say to her brother Christopher before they both went to sleep at night: "Strap Yourself In" because the beast is about to be unleashed...
Before I go for the jugular let me say this: The names of the people involved will be withheld for privacy purposes (yeah yeah yeah I know I should put em' on blast but I still have pangs of guilt...small pangs!)...So let's begin with the beheading shall we? I'll start with my dilemma. Unbeknownst to everyone I have been seeing someone casually and up until now it's been good. No strings attached, cuddle buddy, good laughs and passionate make-outs...I should be on top of the world right? WRONG! A minor detail that I'm now going to reveal, throws a wrench into the equation: He's STRAIGHT...or in his words..."Struggling". I made an agreement to never mention his name until he's comfortable and in return he holds me in his huge muscular arms and makes me feel safe. I thought things were going well as per our deal: I wasn't catching feelings, I wasn't speaking of him to ANYONE and he was content and comfortable. I know some of you reading this are saying: "Why the fuck would you get involved with a straight guy????" The answer isn't simple and i'm not going to agree or disagree with the aforementioned thought...all I can say is I get what I want out of it and it keeps me from feeling lonely. An added bonus is that he's GORGEOUS and I'd be the envy of all the gays and the girls...you would NEVER know he was into guys by any shred of the imagination....Well guess what? HE isn't keeping up with HIS end of the bargain! Unanswered texts and phone calls..whatever it happens...but after hemming and hawing on HIS end that he wanted to see me tonight (yes tonight 2/2/2012) and that if he didn't see me he'd be pissed...looks like he got cold feet. Not so much as an "I'm sorry..let's reschedule"...NOTHING. NADA. ZIP. This of course infuriates me and leads me to write this blog to vent....HE is an example of an ASSHOLE...he may not be "gay" but he's still an ASSHOLE! Will I see him again or forgive him? That remains to be seen...and YES my fantastic readers you will be the first to know to see how this story ends...
Let's talk about examples of GAY ASSHOLES shall we?:
1) The Self Absorbed Gay Asshole - This hybrid of asshole thinks of nothing but himself...no one else...and only spares his own feelings. When talking about you he magically makes it about him and then talks about himself some more...did i say he likes to talk about HIM?
2) The I'm Sorry It's Not You It's Me Gay Asshole - Ahhhh one of my favorites....this asshole sucks you into his world, promises you the moon and stars and then BAM! It's over and he disappears (You'll meet one of these assholes in my next story). When approached for closure or any shred of an answer he PUSSY's out and gives you the old: "I need to work on myself...you did nothing wrong...I need time alone to think"...BULLSHIT!!!! He's just a pussy that doesn't have the balls to say: "Hey sucker...it's OVER!"
3) The You Made Me Cheat Gay Asshole - This asshole tries to turn the tables and blame YOU as to why he cheated...ummmm hell no fucker...you stuck your dick in that nasty hookers tush...i didn't see myself guiding it to the nearest skunk saying "There you go..have fun pumpin and dumpin!"....
I could go on for days but these three examples are the major ASSHOLES I have a problem with...and guess what...they need a bitch slap...with love of course!
As promised story "B" of this blog has to do with the "It's Not You It's Me Gay Asshole" that did a number on my friend. Let's do a swift recap: boy meets boy...boy promises my friend the moon and stars...boy meets my friends family and friends....boy blindsides my friend with an "I'm moving away because I need support from other people"...HELLO???? My friend is not support enough for you?????....So leaving my friend guessing what happened...crying and sobbing and then finally facing the music a week later and saying "I have to work on me"...P-U-S-S-Y....Now thankfully after some hard reality the truth has set in and my friend is realizing that he is gem and worth a treasure trove....however the guy that pulled the bullshit is still an ASSHOLE...and has to live with the guilt....
So moral of the story is DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE....learn it and live it...
Till next time...xoxo...Ron The Single Gay Man
For the entire day I have been thinking...what topic am I going to rant about tonight...and both fortunately and unfortunately I stumbled upon it: When Dating, Why Are Gay Guys Such Assholes? Now I say fortunately and unfortunately because it's "fortunate" that I had a good follow up to yesterday's hit Intro Blog...but "unfortunate", as to why I'm writing this: A) I was stood up tonight and B) A friend of mine finally got answers after a week of no call and no text from someone who promised him the world and then DISAPPEARED. So as Christina Crawford would say to her brother Christopher before they both went to sleep at night: "Strap Yourself In" because the beast is about to be unleashed...
Before I go for the jugular let me say this: The names of the people involved will be withheld for privacy purposes (yeah yeah yeah I know I should put em' on blast but I still have pangs of guilt...small pangs!)...So let's begin with the beheading shall we? I'll start with my dilemma. Unbeknownst to everyone I have been seeing someone casually and up until now it's been good. No strings attached, cuddle buddy, good laughs and passionate make-outs...I should be on top of the world right? WRONG! A minor detail that I'm now going to reveal, throws a wrench into the equation: He's STRAIGHT...or in his words..."Struggling". I made an agreement to never mention his name until he's comfortable and in return he holds me in his huge muscular arms and makes me feel safe. I thought things were going well as per our deal: I wasn't catching feelings, I wasn't speaking of him to ANYONE and he was content and comfortable. I know some of you reading this are saying: "Why the fuck would you get involved with a straight guy????" The answer isn't simple and i'm not going to agree or disagree with the aforementioned thought...all I can say is I get what I want out of it and it keeps me from feeling lonely. An added bonus is that he's GORGEOUS and I'd be the envy of all the gays and the girls...you would NEVER know he was into guys by any shred of the imagination....Well guess what? HE isn't keeping up with HIS end of the bargain! Unanswered texts and phone calls..whatever it happens...but after hemming and hawing on HIS end that he wanted to see me tonight (yes tonight 2/2/2012) and that if he didn't see me he'd be pissed...looks like he got cold feet. Not so much as an "I'm sorry..let's reschedule"...NOTHING. NADA. ZIP. This of course infuriates me and leads me to write this blog to vent....HE is an example of an ASSHOLE...he may not be "gay" but he's still an ASSHOLE! Will I see him again or forgive him? That remains to be seen...and YES my fantastic readers you will be the first to know to see how this story ends...
Let's talk about examples of GAY ASSHOLES shall we?:
1) The Self Absorbed Gay Asshole - This hybrid of asshole thinks of nothing but himself...no one else...and only spares his own feelings. When talking about you he magically makes it about him and then talks about himself some more...did i say he likes to talk about HIM?
2) The I'm Sorry It's Not You It's Me Gay Asshole - Ahhhh one of my favorites....this asshole sucks you into his world, promises you the moon and stars and then BAM! It's over and he disappears (You'll meet one of these assholes in my next story). When approached for closure or any shred of an answer he PUSSY's out and gives you the old: "I need to work on myself...you did nothing wrong...I need time alone to think"...BULLSHIT!!!! He's just a pussy that doesn't have the balls to say: "Hey sucker...it's OVER!"
3) The You Made Me Cheat Gay Asshole - This asshole tries to turn the tables and blame YOU as to why he cheated...ummmm hell no fucker...you stuck your dick in that nasty hookers tush...i didn't see myself guiding it to the nearest skunk saying "There you go..have fun pumpin and dumpin!"....
I could go on for days but these three examples are the major ASSHOLES I have a problem with...and guess what...they need a bitch slap...with love of course!
As promised story "B" of this blog has to do with the "It's Not You It's Me Gay Asshole" that did a number on my friend. Let's do a swift recap: boy meets boy...boy promises my friend the moon and stars...boy meets my friends family and friends....boy blindsides my friend with an "I'm moving away because I need support from other people"...HELLO???? My friend is not support enough for you?????....So leaving my friend guessing what happened...crying and sobbing and then finally facing the music a week later and saying "I have to work on me"...P-U-S-S-Y....Now thankfully after some hard reality the truth has set in and my friend is realizing that he is gem and worth a treasure trove....however the guy that pulled the bullshit is still an ASSHOLE...and has to live with the guilt....
So moral of the story is DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE....learn it and live it...
Till next time...xoxo...Ron The Single Gay Man
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