Forgiveness & Loss

The Diary Of A Single Gay Man: Forgiveness & Loss

In today's world the word F O R G I V E can be mistaken for another dirty "F" word.   The process behind this word can take anywhere from mere seconds to almost a lifetime for some.  I sometimes feel like forgiving someone just might be the hardest thing a human being can do.  It musters up emotions that need to be processed in order to move on.  It also makes you think about why you were mad in the first place.  It also can lead to tremendous feelings of guilt in times of love and loss.  

Recently, I reached a cross roads in my life and I knew i had to either let go of the feelings I was harboring or choose to stay in a permanent state of misery and hatred.  It's taken me years to finally say "I have to let this go because it's weighing heavy on my heart".  This decision was prompted by a conversation with a friend/co-worker who was going through her own introspection and decided she had had enough.  She said something so insightful that an internal alarm blared within me.  She said "It takes so much time energy and emotions to HATE someone.  Why don't we just forgive them, release them and then go onto the next?"   She was doing this with a few people in her life and she was feeling so much better about the person she was becoming.  I decided this is what I needed to do as well in order to let in space for upcoming journeys and obstacles for me to complete.  We both agreed that not everyone could be handled in the same way and that with some situations and people we both may not be ready to act on it at this time.  I had a short list of whom I wanted to just make peace with and I knew it could be a challenge as I got down to the final three people but I had to try.  So I made a deal that even if the outcome was not to be the way I had hoped it would be, I would forgive them in my heart for the wrongs they have done to me and release it into the world for others and KARMA to deal with.  Much to my surprise, three people whom I had harbored not so nice emotions for suddenly popped out of the woodworks.  It was if it was meant to be for me to confront, forgive and move forward.  I am happy to say that these three people and I are in the beginnings of a wonderful NEW CHAPTER, and I recognize things I may have contributed to the demise of our friendships.  Always remember that friendship is a two way street.  No matter what anyone says, when people decide to end a friendship it's typically because BOTH people are at fault.  

As I mentioned earlier some people I am not ready to forgive so easily and I work hard everyday trying to just let it go.  I am proud of myself for being able to admit my wrongs and also to just say let's squash this and look to a bigger and brighter friendship.  I also believe the sudden loss of my Grandfather (aka Papa) last Monday attributed to my newfound outlook and attitude.  I also have adopted a NO BS policy for anyone in my life.  I decided if you are of no support and love to me I will be upfront, tell you my feelings and then remove myself from the situation.  People say that as you get older you get wiser...I believe that.  In the week since Papa has passed I have ended friendships, backed away from friendships and discovered ones that I had neglected and are making amends for.  Sometimes it DOES take a loss so huge as a family member to continue the growth process in who you are and will become.

So what are you waiting for?  Try it and see!  make a list of 5 people whom you wish you could speak with again, forgive or just release from your life.  It may take some time (this I am certain of!) but you won't know what the outcome is until you make yourself vulnerable enough to try.   You will be glad you did when good things start happening in your life.....

Love and safe travels...xoxoxo Ron
 The Single Gay Man